Ask For Help

It is just so difficult to make even the smallest changes in our behavior…and to make them stick. There's loads of research on this topic and in real life, I think it’s almost impossible to truly change anything unless you are willing to ask for – and accept some help.

You know this is true. We have to ask for help is because awareness alone doesn’t magically cause unwanted behavior to change. Which is so globally unfair. I've always like the tenet, “the truth shall set you free”. Unfortunately, awareness of the truth doesn’t guarantee that anything will change. In fact, that new truth or that new awareness…it’s only the beginning.

Ongoing debate: I hold the opinion that it’s extraordinarily rare when a person truly changes an aspect of himself. Behavior can surely change and rational thought changes, of course, but most of us will always fight against some strands of DNA that push hard towards unwanted behavior. We are wired to do it. We don't really change.

However, in the name of change I offer a small challenge: write down this question and tape it to your computer: What am I doing differently? And hey, that's the first something different you can do).

Finally, the hardest part for many of us is simply asking for help. There are thousands of pages of research proving that behavioral change is far more successful when the changee asks for help. So, start by asking for help from just one person at work. Someone who likes you and wants you to succeed.

You might use some version of this, “I have become aware that I interrupt people far more than I ever thought. I know that it’s rude and I now understand that it makes some people feel bad. I want to stop but I need some help to keep my awareness high. When you see me interrupt, please signal me. We’ll come up with something”.

The truth shall set you free.